Boys have a way of "growing
up," however, sooner or later, at least most of them have, and that
possibility was not sufficiently in the foreground of Susanna's mind when she
finished what she considered an exhaustive study of her husband's character.
I am leaving you, John [she wrote], to see if I can keep the little love I
have left for you as the father of my children. I seem to have lost all the
rest of it living with you. I am not perfectly sure that I am right in going,
for everybody seems to think that women, mothers especially, should bear
anything rather than desert the home. I could not take Jack away, for you love
him and he will be a comfort to you. A comfort to you, yes, but what will you
be to him now that he is growing older? That is the thought that troubles me,
yet I dare not take him with me when he is half yours. You will not miss me,
nor will the loss of Sue make any difference. Oh, John! how can you help
loving that blessed little creature, so much better and so much more gifted
than either of us that we can only wonder how we came to be her father and
mother? Your sin against her is greater than that against me, for at least you
are not responsible for bringing me into the world.
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