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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Fanny and the Servant Problem"

There is a suspicion of a smile]. One might
say--sufficient?
DR. FREEMANTLE [laughs]. Excellent servants. If they'd only
remember it. [He glances round--sinks his voice.] Take my advice.
Put your foot down--before it's too late.
FANNY. Sit down, please. [She makes room for him on the settee.]
Because I'm going to be confidential. You don't mind, do you?
DR. FREEMANTLE [seating himself]. My dear, I take it as the greatest
compliment I have had paid to me for years.
FANNY. You put everything so nicely. I'm two persons. I'm an
angel--perhaps that is too strong a word?
DR. FREEMANTLE [doubtfully]. Well -
FANNY. We'll say saint. Or else I'm--the other thing.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Do you know, I think you could be.
FANNY. It's not a question about which there is any doubt.
DR. FREEMANTLE. Of course, in this case, a LITTLE bit of the devil -
FANNY [she shakes her head]. There's such a lot of mine. It has
always hampered me, never being able to hit the happy medium.
DR. FREEMANTLE. It IS awkward.
FANNY. I thought I would go on being an angel -
DR. FREEMANTLE. Saint.
FANNY. Saint--till--well, till it became physically impossible to be
a saint any longer.
DR. FREEMANTLE. And then?
FANNY [she rises, turns to him with a gesture of half-comic, half-
tragic despair]. Well, then I can't help it, can I?
DR. FREEMANTLE. I think you're making a mistake. An explosion will
undoubtedly have to take place.


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