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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Fanny and the Servant Problem"

Good-bye, Doctor.
VERNON. Sure you won't be lonely?
FANNY [laughs]. Think I can't exist an hour without you? Mr.
Conceited!
VERNON [laughs and kisses her]. Come along. [He takes the Doctor
and his younger Aunt towards the door.]
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [who is following last]. I like you in that
frock.
FANNY [laughs]. So glad. It's Ernest who attends to the fires,
isn't it?
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Yes, dear.
FANNY. I wish you'd send him up. [At door--calls after them] Hope
you'll all enjoy yourselves!
VERNON [from the distance]. I shall put you on a fiver.
FANNY. Mind it wins. [She listens a moment--closes door, comes back
to desk, and takes a Bradshaw.] Five-six-three--five-six-three.
[Finds page.] St. Pancras, eight o'clock. Oh, Lord! Stamford,
10.45. Leave Stamford--[Ernest has entered.] Is that you, Ernest?
ERNEST. Yes.
FANNY. Shut the door. Sure it went off last night, that telegram?
ERNEST. Yes.
FANNY. If he doesn't catch that eight o'clock, he can't get here
till nearly four. That will be awkward. [To Ernest] What time is
it now?
ERNEST [looks at clock]. Twenty past eleven.
FANNY. If he does, he'll be here about twelve--I believe I'll go and
meet him. Could I get out without being seen?
ERNEST. You'll have to pass the lodge.
FANNY. Who's at the lodge now?
ERNEST. Mother.
FANNY. Damn!
Bennet has entered unnoticed and drawn near. At this point from
behind, he boxes Ernest's ears.


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