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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Fanny and the Servant Problem"


FANNY. Yes.
NEWTE. Had been unfortunate. Didn't go into particulars. Didn't
seem to be any need for it. That your mother had died when you were
still only a girl and that you had gone to live with relatives. [He
looks for approval.]
FANNY. Yes.
NEWTE. That you hadn't got on well with them--artistic temperament,
all that sort of thing--that, in consequence, you had appealed to
your father's old theatrical friends; and that they--that they,
having regard to your talent--and beauty -
FANNY. Thank you.
NEWTE. Had decided that the best thing you could do was to go upon
the stage. [He finishes, tolerably well pleased with himself.]
FANNY. That's all right. Very good indeed. What else?
NEWTE [after an uncomfortable pause]. Well, that's about all I knew.
FANNY. Yes, but what did you TELL him?
NEWTE. Well, of course, I had to tell him something. A man doesn't
marry without knowing just a little about his wife's connections.
Wouldn't be reasonable to expect him. You'd never told me anything--
never would; except that you'd liked to have boiled the lot. What
was I to do? [He is playing with a quill pen he has picked up.]
FANNY [she takes it from him]. What DID you do?
NEWTE [with fine frankness]. I did the best I could for you, old
girl, and he was very nice about it. Said it was better than he'd
expected, and that I'd made him very happy--very happy indeed.
FANNY [she leans across, puts her hand on his].


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