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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Fanny and the Servant Problem"

Later on--choosing your proper time--you can break it to him
that you have discovered they're distant connections of yours, a
younger branch of the family that you'd forgotten. Give the show
time to settle down into a run. Then you can begin to make changes.
FANNY. You've a wonderful way with you, George. It always sounds
right as you put it--even when one jolly well knows that it isn't.
NEWTE. Well, it's always been right for you, old girl, ain't it?
FANNY. Yes. You've been a rattling good friend. [She takes his
hands.] Almost wish I'd married you instead. We'd have been more
suited to one another.
NEWTE [shakes his head]. Nothing like having your fancy. You'd
never have been happy without him. [He releases her.] 'Twas a good
engagement, or I'd never have sanctioned it.
FANNY. I suppose it will be the last one you will ever get me. [She
has dropped for a moment into a brown study.]
NEWTE [he turns]. I hope so.
FANNY [she throws off her momentary mood with a laugh]. Poor fellow!
You never even got your commission.
NEWTE. I'll take ten per cent. of all your happiness, old girl. So
make it as much as you can for my benefit. Good-bye. [He holds out
hand.]
FANNY. You're not going? You'll stop to lunch?
NEWTE. Not to-day.
FANNY. Do. If you don't, they'll think it's because I was
frightened to ask you.
NEWTE. All the better. The more the other party thinks he's having
his way, the easier always to get your own.


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