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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Fanny and the Servant Problem"

Your trouble is, you
know, that you never had any tact.
FANNY. I hate tact. [Newte laughs.] We could have had such a jolly
little lunch together. I'm all alone till the evening. There were
ever so many things I wanted to talk to you about.
NEWTE. What?
FANNY. Ah, how can one talk to a man with his watch in his hand?
[He puts it away and stands waiting, but she is cross.] I think
you're very disagreeable.
NEWTE. I must really get back to town. I oughtn't to be away now,
only your telegram -
FANNY. I know. I'm an ungrateful little beast! [She crosses and
rings bell.] You'll have a glass of champagne before you go?
NEWTE. Well, I won't say no to that.
FANNY. How are all the girls?
NEWTE. Oh, chirpy. I'm bringing them over to London. We open at
the Palace next week.
FANNY. What did they think of my marriage? Gerty was a bit jealous,
wasn't she?
NEWTE. Well, would have been, if she'd known who he was. [Laughs.]
FANNY. Tell her. Tell her [she draws herself up] I'm Lady Bantock,
of Bantock Hall, Rutlandshire. It will make her so mad. [Laughs.]
NEWTE [laughs]. I will.
FANNY. Give them all my love. [Ernest appears in answer to her
bell.] Oh, Ernest, tell Bennet--[the eyes and mouth of Ernest open]-
-to see that Mr. Newte has some refreshment before he leaves. A
glass of champagne and--and some caviare. Don't forget. [Ernest
goes out.] Good-bye. You'll come again?
NEWTE.


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