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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Fanny and the Servant Problem"

Whenever you want me--and remember--the watchword is "Tact"!
FANNY. Yes, I've got the WORD all right. [Laughs.] Don't forget to
give my love to the girls.
NEWTE. I won't. So long! [He goes out.]
Fanny closes the door. Honoria has re-entered from the dressing-
room. She looks from the handkerchief still hanging over the keyhole
to Fanny.
HONORIA. Your ladyship's handkerchief?
FANNY. Yes. Such a draught through that keyhole.
HONORIA [takes the handkerchief, hands it to Fanny]. I will tell the
housekeeper.
FANNY. Thanks. Maybe you will also mention it to the butler.
Possibly also to the--[She suddenly changes.] Honoria. Suppose it
had been you--you know, you're awfully pretty--who had married Lord
Bantock, and he had brought you back here, among them all--uncle,
aunt, all the lot of them--what would you have done?
HONORIA [she draws herself up]. I should have made it quite plain
from the first, that I was mistress, and that they were my servants.
FANNY. You would, you think -
HONORIA [checking her outburst]. But then, dear--you will excuse my
speaking plainly--there is a slight difference between the two cases.
[She seats herself on the settee. Fanny is standing near the desk.]
You see, what we all feel about you, dear, is--that you are--well,
hardly a fit wife for his lordship. [Fanny's hands are itching to
box the girl's ears. To save herself, she grinds out through her
teeth the word "Tack!"] Of course, dear, it isn't altogether your
fault.


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