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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Fanny and the Servant Problem"

Oh, cut it short. I said "damn." [A shudder passes.] I'm
sorry to have frightened you, but if you knew a little more of really
good society, you would know that ladies--quite slap-up ladies--when
they're excited, do--.
MRS. BENNET [interrupting with almost a scream]. She defends it!
BENNET. You will allow ME to be the judge of what a LADY says, even
when she is excited. As for this man, Newte -
FANNY. The best friend you ever had. [She is "up" again.] You
thank your stars, all of you, and tell the others, too, the whole
blessed twenty-three of you--you thank your stars that I did
"surreptitiously" beg and pray him to run down by the first train and
have a talk with me; and that Providence was kind enough to YOU to
enable him to come. It's a very different tune you'd have been
singing at this moment--all of you--if he hadn't. I can tell you
that.
MRS. BENNET. And pray, what tune SHOULD we have been singing if
Providence hadn't been so thoughtful of us?
FANNY [she is about to answer, then checks herself, and sits again].
You take care you don't find out. There's time yet.
MRS. BENNET. We had better leave her.
BENNET. Threats, my good girl, will not help you.
MRS. BENNET [with a laugh]. She's in too tight a corner for that.
BENNET. A contrite heart is what your aunt and I desire to see. [He
takes from his pocket a small book, places it open on the desk.] I
have marked one or two passages, on pages 93-7.


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