Indeed, she believed
there was more wickedness in convention than out of it! "If I have
done anything you would call wrong, it was because I couldn't help it;
I never wanted to do wrong. I just wanted to be happy. I've tried to
be charitable. And I've tried to be good--in my way; but not because I
wanted to go to heaven, and all that. I--I don't believe in heaven,"
she ended with terrified flippancy.
"Perhaps not," said Dr. Lavendar sadly; "but, oh, my child, how you do
believe in hell!"
She stared at him for one broken moment; then flung her arms out on
the table beside her, and dropped her head upon them. Dr. Lavendar did
not speak, There was a long silence, suddenly she turned upon him, her
face quivering; "Yes! I do believe in hell. Because that is what life
is! I've never had any happiness at all. Oh, it seemed so little a
thing to ask--just to be happy Yes, I believe in hell."
Dr. Lavendar waited.
"If I've done what people say isn't right, it was only because I
wanted to be happy; not because I wanted to do wrong. It was because
of Love. You can't understand what that means! But Christ said that
because a woman loved much, much was to be forgiven! Do you remember
that?" she demanded hotly.
"Yes," said Dr, Lavendar; "but do you remember Who it was that she
loved much? She loved Goodness, Mrs. Richie. Have you loved Goodness?"
"Oh, what is the use of talking about it?" she said passionately; "we
won't agree.
Pages:
332
333
334
335
336
337
338
339
340
341
342
343
344
345
346
347
348
349
350
351
352
353
354
355
356