--As for Frederick, I have no regrets!" she ended fiercely.
The room had darkened in the rainy October twilight, and the fire was
low; Dr. Lavendar could hardly see her quivering face.
"But now it's all over between Lloyd and me. I sha'n't see him ever
any more. He would have married me, if I had been willing to give up
David. But I was not willing."
"You thought it would make everything right if you married this man?"
"Right?" she repeated, surprised; "why, of course. At least I suppose
that is what good people call right," she added dully.
"And you gave up doing right, to have David?"
She felt that she was trapped, and yet she could not understand why;
"I sacrificed myself," she said confusedly.
"No," said Dr. Lavendar; "you sacrificed a conviction. A poor, false
conviction, but such as it was, you threw it over to keep David."
She looked at him in terror; "It was just selfishness, you think?"
"Yes," said Dr. Lavendar.
"Perhaps it was," she admitted. "Oh, how frightful life is! To try to
be happy, is to be bad."
"No, to try to be happy at the expense of other people, is to be bad."
"But I never did that! Lloyd's wife was dead;--Of course, if she had
been alive"--Helena lifted her head with the curious pride of caste in
sin which is so strongly felt by the woman who is a sinner;--"if she
had been alive, I wouldn't have thought of such a thing.
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