I had accepted
his invitation; and I had no other engagement to claim me: it would have
been an act of meanness amounting to a confession of fear, if I had sent
an excuse. Still, while Cristel's entreaties and Cristel's influence had
failed to shake me, Gloody's strange language and Gloody's
incomprehensible conduct had troubled my mind. I felt vaguely uneasy;
irritated by my own depression of spirits. If I had been a philosopher, I
should have recognized the symptoms of a very common attack of a very
widely-spread moral malady. The meanest of all human infirmities is also
the most universal; and the name of it is Self-esteem.
It is perhaps only right to add that my patience had been tried by the
progress of domestic events, which affected Lady Lena and myself--viewed
as victims.
Calling, with my stepmother, at Lord Uppercliff's house later in the day,
I perceived that Lady Rachel and Mrs. Roylake found (or made) an
opportunity of talking together confidentially in a corner; and, once or
twice, I caught them looking at Lady Lena and at me. Even Lord Uppercliff
(perhaps not yet taken into their confidence) noticed the proceedings of
the two ladies, and seemed to be at a loss to understand them.
When Mrs. Roylake and I were together again, on our way home, I was
prepared to hear the praise of Lady Lena, followed by a delicate
examination into the state of my heart. Neither of these anticipations
was realized.
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